Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He kissed a someone with a penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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