Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize