Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
