she was so not down for the gang bang
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
