ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
not ubering you a puppy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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