On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
