woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
