i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
