It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
