3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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