Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
