A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
