Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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