i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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