I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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