I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
