my mouth tastes like poor choices
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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