So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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