it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
