who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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