he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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