I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
