HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
