You work out of a Hotel?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
