i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did i walk over a car last night?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
