The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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