I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
