Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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