nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
