OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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