Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did not marry a roomba.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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