as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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