u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
