I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
