youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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