12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
