Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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