Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
whose ass print is on the piano?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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