tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
