Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize