It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
