If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
