i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
