sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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