I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found puke in my bra..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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