after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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