all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
