Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
