brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
