and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
