How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
