so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's paper in my vomit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
