I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
