Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
