a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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