when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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