I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
