I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
