does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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