i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize