in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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