I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
