Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
