Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
