Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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