That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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