I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Farmville is her only friend.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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