If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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