remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
