I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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