it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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