so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
