Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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