every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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