My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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