All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
