Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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