Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
