My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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