my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
