can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
