And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
