I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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