Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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