so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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