i don't like sucking hair
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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