Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize