We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
