my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
