thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
