I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
