what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
