i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
