I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
