so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
