i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
