homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
