So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
