Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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