my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The air taste purple.
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