Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
